Final week, I flew to Massachusetts to go to my 94-year grandmother within the hospital.
Let me inform you about this superb lady.
Barbara, Auntie B, or Gramma to us grandkids, was born in 1930 to first-generation Newfoundlanders.
(No surprise I like the music of Alan Doyle (and Nice Massive Sea), it’s in my DNA!)
Gramma was a preschool trainer for 22 years and has been an lively member in her group for her complete life. She was a heck of a quilter and helped launch a number of quilting initiatives through the years. She volunteered on the Council on Growing old. She usually drove for Meals on Wheels too, “delivering meals to the outdated folks” (as she known as it), which she did effectively into her 80s!
Throughout previous visits to Massachusetts, I’d swing by Gramma’s for a day, habitually checking my cellphone, usually distracted with some unimportant work thought that occupied my mind. I believe having identified her my complete life, I simply had this thought “Gramma has all the time been right here, and Gramma will all the time be right here.”
Luckily, I stumbled upon an historic Japanese idea that helped me acknowledge and course right this sample. It allowed all of my latest visits with Gramma to be decidedly totally different.
Ichi-go Ichi-e 一期一会
There’s an idea relationship again to Japanese tea ceremonies within the 1600s known as ichi-go ichi-e:
This interprets to: “one time, one assembly.”
It’s a reminder for us to treasure and embrace every unrepeatable second in time. Regardless of how usually we do one thing or see someone, it’s the solely time that it’ll actually occur this manner, in this second.
This idea can remind us to be extra current.
- As an alternative of checking our telephones, we are able to give attention to the particular person or job in entrance of us.
- As an alternative of worrying about tomorrow or zoning out, we will be right here now.
- As an alternative of going via the motions, we generally is a bit extra deliberate with our conduct.
I’ve mirrored rather a lot on Japanese Zen philosophy over the previous few years (see my essay about Wabi-Sabi), and this idea of ichi-go ichi-e has caught with me too.
Which brings me to my journeys to go to Gramma this summer time.
I finished worrying in regards to the future or ruminating on the previous, put my cellphone down, and simply sat along with her.
I handled every go to as if it was the solely time that I’d get to have that interplay.
I requested her questions on her childhood. I realized that she spent just a few summers residing in a tent with no working water or electrical energy, whereas her father constructed their dwelling along with his personal two palms. And the way a lot she beloved it.
She instructed me about her teenage years, together with the time she snuck out of the home and acquired caught, and needed to sit on the foot of her dad and mom mattress till the solar got here up.
I realized extra about my grandfather. She even shared pictures of her wedding ceremony that I had by no means seen earlier than:
She additionally discovered some pictures of me and her from method again within the day!
This one was my favourite:
I returned to Nashville final month, not sure when (or if) I’d get to see her once more.
It nonetheless felt totally different. I had related with Gramma extra deeply in just a few visits than I most likely had previously 10 years mixed.
Which brings me to this previous week on the hospital.
Gramma’s Neighborhood
Final week, my brother and I drove as much as go to Gramma within the hospital every day.
And every day, a revolving door of visitors would present as much as test on her:
Her nieces and nephews. My uncle and father. My sister and mom (who simply had surgical procedure!). Her grandkids. The son of her finest buddy. Her buddy Anne. Mates from the Council of Growing old. Fellow quilters. Folks from her church.
At one level, there have been 10 of us visiting on the identical time, and it was an absolute get together.
I used to be in awe of this lady and what number of lives she has impacted.
If there’s a transparent signal of a life effectively lived, it’s being surrounded by individuals who love you. Gramma has been selfless for a lot of her life, and I used to be amazed and impressed at how many individuals dropped all the pieces to come back and spend time along with her, swapping tales and retaining her firm.
Regardless of the circumstances, she nonetheless has an excellent humorousness too:
The primary time she opened her eyes and noticed me, she smiled and stated, “I remembered one other story!” She then instructed me in regards to the time she “borrowed” a automobile, despite the fact that she didn’t have a license but, to drive via the streets of Boston to trace down her boyfriend.
Whereas speaking on the cellphone along with her 94 12 months outdated brother in regulation, she requested “how are ya, you outdated geezer?”
When the physician requested “are you feeling higher right this moment?” she replied “higher than WHAT!”
Spending time with Gramma and the entire folks from totally different elements of her life felt like the very best use of my time. I’m in love with the group she has round her, and I’m continually moved to tears by the love that so many individuals have for her.
This level was pushed additional dwelling by my Gramma’s hospital “neighbor”…
Stay Intentionally
The hospital through which my Gramma is staying is correct subsequent to Walden Pond, the very pond made well-known by Henry David Thoreau in his e book Walden.
At some point, after visiting Gramma, I took a quiet stroll round its perimeter, watching the sunshine of the setting solar dancing via the bushes.
(The Japanese have a phrase for this too, it’s known as “komorebi”.)
I then learn the signal with Thoreau’s most well-known reflection:
“I went to the woods as a result of I needed to reside intentionally, to entrance solely the important details of life, and see if I couldn’t study what it needed to train, and never, once I got here to die, uncover that I had not lived.”
Thoreau retreated to solitude to find what was most vital to him.
Gramma went the opposite course, prioritizing what’s most vital to her: household, mates, and group.
Two totally different eventualities, the identical finish end result:
Selecting to reside intentionally.
I don’t have plans on shifting into the woods and residing merely, however I do suppose I’ve completed my finest to reside extra intentionally these previous few years.
Particularly, re-prioritizing what’s most vital to me too: mates, household, and group.
All We have now to Resolve…
A couple of years in the past, Gramma introduced my brother, sister, and I with three of her favourite handmade quilts.
“I used to be going to have these given to you grandkids after I handed away, however I wish to give them to you now in order that we are able to take pleasure in this second collectively.”
She took the time to clarify the that means behind every quilt and why they have been chosen for every of us. I’m so grateful she did this, slightly than ready to listen to about these lovely quilts after she handed.
Once I visited Gramma this summer time, I found that she had printed my essay about my grandfather, her husband, who had handed away. I hoped I made Grampy proud, however I noticed I by no means acquired to inform him simply how a lot I realized from him earlier than he died.
For that motive, I’m penning this essay now to verify she is aware of simply how a lot she taught me. I’m so happy with my Gramma and I’m appreciative for having the chance to study from her for 40 years (and counting!).
(I acquired a textual content from my father yesterday letting me know that he learn this draft to her within the hospital and she or he beloved it. Mission completed!)
I actually hope Gramma will get higher and is ready to get again dwelling. In any case, she instructed her buddy Laurie “I’m not completed but!”
However I additionally know that this isn’t as much as us to determine.
As Gandalf tells Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring:
“All we’ve got to determine is what to do with the time that’s given us.”
I hope my Gramma and Thoreau can encourage you to reside extra intentionally:
- If you happen to’re prepared to place your cellphone down and be current with the folks in entrance of you, life can really feel a lot extra wealthy.
- If you happen to’re prepared to prioritize what’s really vital as an alternative of the stuff that tries to steal your consideration, you’ll by no means go unsuitable with the alternatives you make.
- If you could find a solution to give attention to the vital folks in your life, they’ll nonetheless be part of it if you’re 94.
And at last bear in mind, it doesn’t matter what you do right this moment, that is the one time this second will occur.
Act accordingly.
-Steve
PS: In order for you a thought-provoking movie about being current and Ichi-Go Ichi-E, I extremely advocate Wim Wenders’s Excellent Days.
